Faking a Floating Needle

And Why Would You Want to Do That

This post is in response to last weeks’ poll. Be sure to get your vote in on this week’s poll. Thursday is Thanksgiving. I may not get the tally done until Friday. Unlike Scientology, I consider family time more valuable than statistics. So it may be the 29th before you know next week’s topic. I hope you too are so busy with family it doesn’t matter.

The featured photo for this post is the dial of a US Mark V e-meter. I chose that meter because it was the meter I learned to operate. It was also the one I got my auditing on in Scientology. Auditing has nothing to do with accounting. Auditing is Scientology’s fake counseling. The e-meter is a lie detector type box which has cans attached to it.

This photo shows what the meter with cans looked like back in my day. If I remember correctly, I paid $150 each for my e-meters. The cost of parts for the Mark V e-meter was approximately $12.50. A Scientologist was, and still is, required to have two of them in case of a malfunction with one. This ensures theoretically, no interruption during a session. Generally a session is 2 1/2 hours or less.

The e-meter today looks more like an EZ Bake oven. The cost for parts is approximately $37.50. The cost per meter is $5,000. You also have to be a Scientologist in good standing to buy the two you must have. This means you have to pay your $250 annual membership to the IAS. Or you can be a lifetime member for $5,000. What a bargain! IAS is its own story. If you want to do a deep dive in it, Alex covers it on his blog, just search IAS. This is what a $5000 emeter looks like.

During auditing, a person is asked a series of questions. So far this sounds like it might be a type of counseling. But it’s not. First off, the person who is asking the questions sits and looks at the dial of the meter. The one being asked holds the cans. The needle on the meter theoretically reacts to the person’s thoughts. It also reacts if they wiggle their toes. Or if they shrug. Or if they loosen or tighten their grip on the cans. Or if they are too cold, too tired, hungry, etc.

There is some rudimentary science involved in the e-meter. It acts like a lie detector. And with Scientology “counseling” that’s what it’s all about. There is nothing personal about the questions asked anyone. Sally the 16 year old with no life experience is asked the same as 55 year old grizzled Fred.

For example, Grade 0 is the very first step on your “road to total freedom” in Scientology. When you complete it, you are told you are able to communicate with anyone about anything. Not once in this auditing are you asked personal questions. You are asked a rote list of questions. You must answer all the questions on the checklist. The meter is supposed to tell the person asking if there is charge on a certain area. In other words, you don’t have a say in what gets addressed.

Once the needle indicates that a question is a problem, you have to answer that question and only that question. The auditor will say “was there an earlier similar time?” You have to keep talking about that question until the meter needle reacts a certain way. And you have to be smiling when it does.

This is one page of the checklist of Grade 0 questions. For reference, a charged terminal in Scientology lingo means the name of a person who read on the meter. A person that was mentioned earlier in the checklist.

EP means end phenomenon. End phenomenon is floating needle and very good indicators. You have to be happy and the needle has to be rhythmically moving slowly on the dial.

Auditing was frustrating right from the get go for me. I had already trained on how to be an auditor. I had done some auditing with others on course. But that felt more like play. When I was taken into session for real auditing, it hit home. This stuff was tedious. It also made no sense to me. I felt like a fraud because I could not conceive of a way this could help me. Or anyone else for that matter.

The repetitive questions certainly did not have a lot of relevance to my life. But, I knew I couldn’t complain. That would get me in trouble. Long before reached the point where it was allowed, I practiced solo auditing. At a much higher level in Scientology, a person asks and answers their own questions. I wanted to see what reactions I got and how to manipulate the meter.

I quickly learned a technique. I subtly relaxed one tiny finger to cause the meter to move. So I started doing this if the question sounded interesting. Then I’d make up answers. I’d have a brilliant realization a couple of answers in. At this point I’d relax my hands slightly, spread my toes and the needle would float.

It helped that I was taking the course on how to audit the levels I was being audited on. I knew the questions I would be asked. The whole thing was a fraud. Scientology auditing didn’t help. It was, at best, hypnosis. When I finished OTV, I decided to never get any more auditing. It was the freest I’d felt in years. Of course I couldn’t share that decision.

That is why I chose to fake a floating needle. I was bored. I just wanted it to be over. Others needed to fake it because it was the only way to shut down an interrogation. Once I stopped believing that the emeter could read my mind, it was no longer a threat. It was just another piece of the trap. When I left Scientology, I didn’t even bother moving it into my new home. It was the first item I threw away while packing. If only I could have rid myself of all the other brain shrapnel so easily,