Look For The Light

There will be times in your life when you feel down. That is normal. I know I lived through some doozies, so what kept me going? Well, I always looked for the light. From an early age, I believed I had my life planned out. I thought I would be rich and famous. known internationally for my wit, talent and intelligence. All I had to do was follow the correct path and it would all fall into place.

When I was 8 months old, my father was hired on as a Radiological Engineer at the Anaconda Uranium plant in New Mexico. This meant I spent 17 years of my life in what was deemed “The Uranium Capital of the World” during the height of the uranium boom. As children of the scientists at those plant we were educated by professors who had been hired specifically to give the most elite scientists in the Country confidence itgat moving their children to a relative wasteland would not mean they would be poorly educated.. Because of this unique advantage, I was afforded copious amounts of book learning but provided minuscule amounts of concrete interpersonal experience.. 

It didn’t take long after I left home to realize just what a sheltered childhood I had lived. Sure, I had been taught to be a fine upstanding citizen. My parents gave me responsibility from an early age and expected me to care for and about others. But that didn’t hold much sway when I was faced with the reality of making my own life choices.

I didn’t see that I had much of an option in college but to do what I had done in High School; buckle down, get good grades, get through. And I did that with a vengeance. In hindsight, I see that was probably not my best choice. Sure I had more book knowledge. But I still didn’t have what I so sorely needed: life experience.

I do not blame my parents or my teachers for my lack of street cred. Although on paper, I looked great; music, dance, acting, choir, National Honor Society, you name it, I was woefully unprepared to go out into the world. I just didn’t know anything about the monsters who were hiding in the closets that no parent ever wants their child to know about. 

I knew I was supposed to avoid the bad guys, I just never had been taught that bad guys look just like you and me. How could I figure out which path was the straight and narrow when the road before me was certainly not straight, and totally unmarked?

Some of things I had to learn the hard way were:

1. If someone keeps telling you “trust me,” don’t..
2. No one has all the answers to everything. If they tell you they do, they are lying, don’t trust anything they tell you.
3. The more cinvoluted a story is, the greater the chance it is a lie.
4. Evil can hide behind the most innocent looking faces.
5. No one person has the right to control your narrative or the narrative of anyone around you. If you are getting all your information from one person, it is in your best interest to verify that information.
6. No one can guess how you feel. Don’t expect them to help you just because you feel bad if you don’t let them know you need help.
7. If it sounds too good to be true, it is. Conversely, if a tale of woe sounds too bad to be true, it’s probably a lie as well.
8. There are no absolutes in life. Even the worst person may have good characteristic and the best may have flaws.
9. There are not easy fixes for all of life’s problems, any group or product making that claim should be avoided.
10. People don’t change because you want them to. They will change if they decide for themselves that they need to.
11. Actions speak louder than words.
12. No one has the right to belittle you. However, if you feel you have the right to belittle others, do not be surprised if they treat you the same.

With all of those dire things being stated, let me unequivocally say that despite what I have been through, despite the best efforts of Scientology and my ex husband, no person or group succeeded in making the overarching path of my life anything but contentment . For that, I thank my parents because they instilled optimism in me from birth.. 

When my book is released, be aware it will take you to dark places in my life. Please remember I am no longer there. I look for the light and will continue to do so.