Scientology Statistics v. Real World Math

Living in a World Where 1+2=141

Scientology is based on statistics. It doesn’t matter what you have accomplished in the past, it’s all about what you did today. They don’t even operate on a normal calendar. Anyone who has spent time near Scientology knows that the magic day and time is Thursday at 2:00 p.m. Everything has to be tied up in a neat little bow and presented for inspection at that particular second. 

Staff generally pull all nighters Wednesday night in order to “get their stats up” or meet that week’s artificial deadline. Then what? They report their stats and jump right back on the hamster wheel. Because next week their stats have to be higher than the stats they just submitted.

How is that possible? It isn’t. But those are the rules. For everyone. No matter what you do. If you work in the galley, you hope the meals you serve get good votes from the people who eat them because that’s your stat. However, in reality, the person in the galley has little or no control over the food they can make. The food budget is based on the gross income of the organization and is usually $3 or less per person. If they are allowed to serve actual food. More often than not, some draconian order has come down restricting the entire staff to rice and beans because of a real or imagined infraction.

As a course supervisor, my statistic was student points. Every student in Scientology has to keep track of every activity they do in course, and report and graph it. It was my job to push the student to do as many things as they could in one week that amassed points. Each thing they did had an random point value assigned to it. Luckily there were a lot of students in the courseroon I was in charge of, so lots of points came in every day. 

A set of circumstances you will read in my book caused me to leave the position of course supervisor and work elsewhere. That is a common practice for Scientology staff. What was uncommon in my situation was that after I left the course room, the students were read a “Suppressive Person Declare” on me (see glossary).

I did not know this until 38 years later when someone who I had worked with all those years ago told me about it. . My students were told I had been removed from post for having sex with students to get student points up. When I had the time to do that, which students participated in this activity, or even how that would elevate student points is a mystery. The truth of the matter is that I went immediately from that position to an even higher level position in Scientology, working with the wife of L. Ron Hubbard. 

Statistics are the heartbeat of Scientology. It is not possible for anyone to admit they are doing anything but extremely well. Therefore, when you see a Scientology press release, it is a given that the numbers have been massaged to make them look the best they can. The numbers are so out of touch with reality that it is obviously made up. The inside joke with Scientology watchers is that they 47x things. However, the faster Scientology shrinks, the larger that factor may become.

To illustrate how inflated Scientology claims and statistics are, I will show you how my website would be illustrated if ir were a Scientology project. Below are the 5 day statistics for this website, which went live June 9. Below that, I have created a press release using Scientology math, using the 47x number.

Headlining the expansion this week is Valerie Ross Books. With a stunning growth of 11,938 views in just five days, this site has amassed a staggering 8,640 unique visitors encompassing a global reach on multiple continents. The unprecedented 254% growth just in the last week, far outshines the production of any other unemployed blogger on the fringes of the internet. 

So there you have it, people. Based on Scientology math, I’m flourishing and prospering.

In reality, though, I am well aware that I have in no way reached the number of subscribers either Tony or Mike have, I want to extend a humble thank you to ironically, my 47 current subscribers for the support. I hope to keep you entertained. And, if you like what I write, please tell your friends.